Noise


 

 

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Robot Helpline


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Beached whales (depressed)


Maybe all these whales are killing themselves on purpose. Imagine being stuck in that sea all the time. It’s fucking awful. I’d swim up the fucking beach mysen just to get out of that fucking slop.

They breathe air as well, so all that bobbing up and down must be well annoying. You’d never be able to settle. 

You can’t blame em really, poor fellas. But I’m surprised all the anti-depressants we piss into the sea doesn’t make em a bit happier though.

#piss #whales #fuck off #shitarse #blubber  #bobby mcferrin
  

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Black  Friday (racist)


Why is everyone talking about ‘Black Friday’ like it’s a real thing? It’s not even a real thing.

It’s only been going since last year so it’s not proper ‘day’ like pancake day.

By the way you don’t have to wait till pancake day to eat pancakes. I’ve only just realised that.

Anyway I’m surprised no one has said it’s racist yet. Black Friday I mean not pancake day. I’m saying it now. It’s racist. 

I’m surprised no one has said pancake day is racist yet. Maybe they have. If they haven’t yet they will do soon, the way things are going. When they do say it let’s fucking ignore ’em eh? And ignore any attempt to get us excited over a normal day of the year by giving it  a cool name.

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The Don


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Opticions


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Restarunt 


A spelling mistake led me to have a brilliant idea. Resterunt. A restaurant for small people. Not dwarves (although they would be welcome)  just people who aren’t very tall.

I was going to make a logo for it but couldn’t be arsed. Just use your imagination.

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Are ghosts real?


A thought-provoking documentary about whether ghost are real or are they not real.

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Pulled?


Is there any pork about these days that hasn’t been pulled or is it all pulled pork these days?

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Space Twat


It’s the year 2065 and as ever with the Great British Space Association, you can’t depend on the equipment to arrive in time…

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Bit of cold in / wait


People who ask for ‘a bit of cold in’ their tea annoy me. 

Just wait. Have a bit of patience. It will go fucking cold by itself in a bit just fucking wait. Jesus.

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Food Art


  

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Lion


Hey does anybody else think that Cecil the lion would have been less likely to get hunted if he had a tougher sounding name? I dunno like ‘ripper’ or something? 

“Do you want to hunt Ripper the lion?”

“No fucking way”

“How about Cecil ?”

“Yeah, he sounds like a right puff”

See what I mean?

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POP ‘This Prison’


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New way of writing the word twat


  
Anyone is welcome to use this new way if writing the word twat.

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