Shut up about pulled fucking pork
Exclusive footage has emerged of Adolf Hitler during the World Cup final.
At some point somebody decided that instead of pressing ‘3’ for itv on the telly, it would be a good idea to press ‘103’. Three times as much effort.
I know this happened years ago but it still annoys me every time I use the thing and if it was you that decided this, you are a fucking cunt.
Hey, I’ve had a good idea of how to keep this blog going even though I’ve essentially run out of funny stuff and am busy with my burgeoning pop career. And it’s this: Rehash old shite. I’ve got loads of this stuff and lots of it is from before I figured out how to automatically post it to Facebook so you probably haven’t seen it.
There’s always stuff about like the 30th anniversary of Jaws and shit like that so I reckon I’ll have some of that action. So here we go. it’s the 3 year anniversary of this classic post:
I still don’t know if he’s dead or not. Don’t tell me!
Is Deddy Stobart ed? Sorry is Eddy Stobart dead? I heard he was. The vans are still driving about with his name on. Who’s driving them? his fucking ghost? It sends a shiver down me spine whenever I go past one in case he’s peering out, all see-through and that.
Of course I know a ghost couldn’t really drive all those vans. One or two maybe but not the whole fleet.
Yeah yeah, I know I could find out on Google if he is dead, but that’s bollocks. I don’t want to know everything for certain all the time. What’s happened to rumors and shit like that? Fuck you saying ‘Google it’ all the time.
Anyway, getting side tracked. If he is dead it’s time for new van design to reflect this. (See below) I didn’t get a 1st in graphic design for nowte you know.
If he’s not dead, that’s brilliant but I can guarantee he will be dead at some point, so he’s welcome to use these designs then free of charge. Everyone’s happy!
Nobody tell me if he is dead or not. I don’t want to know.
#1 Subtle, respectful – nice
#2. Not so subtle. I dunno.
#3. My favorite. All the information you need and scares the shit out of folk to0.
Attention Newspapers: ‘animal selfies’ are not selfies unless the animal has operated the camera itself. Otherwise it’s just a photo of an animal.
Gok & Dannone
That fucking Wikes advert
Attention Facebook users!
Vampires are wank
The difference between a cunt and a twat
Gok Danone warning
The Scariest Ghost What there could be
Claims 4 Cunts
The Day the Lympics torch came to Mansfield
Babbys and forgetting you’ve got one.
That Vague Feeling That You Should Have Done Summit Years Ago But You Dunno What It Was.
Visit Saudi Arabia
I saw in the paper someone in China went to the doctors with a sore throat. When the doctor had a look there was a big leech living in there.
This got me thinking. Would you shag a woman with a big leech in here throat?
I thought yes.
On a similar note:
Have you got a dodgy nob? Don’t worry about it, just get yourself a long-sighted bird . Close up it’s blurry and far away it’s too little to see anyway. Bobs your uncle!
Not that I’ve got a dodgy nob or anything. It’s OK but let’s face it, none of them are very nice are they?
No one in the history of the world has ever remembered to take their old batteries to the supermarket to recycle. The ones that are in there are just for show.
As well as having a silent ‘K’ at the start, the word ‘Knight ‘ also has a silent and invisible ‘X’ at end. Make sure you leave a space for it.