Woman with leech up her noz


I saw in the paper someone went to the doctors with a nosebleed. When the doctor had a look there was a big leech living up there.

This got me thinking. Would you shag a woman with a leech up here nose?

I thought yes.

On a similar note:

http://blockoflard.wordpress.com/2012/08/17/woman-with-spider-in-ear/

http://blockoflard.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/woman-with-leech-in-throat/

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Three Weasels


Driving in today I saw a weasel run across the road then another one so I slowed down and thought ‘surely no more weasels’ but there was another. Three weasels. It was like being in some sort of nursery rhyme.

I’ve never seen a weasel before. Have you seen those fellas run? It’s well funny. They run like two blokes in a horse suit, front end separate from the back. Cute little fellas they are.

Anyway, that’s the weasel news.

Have you seen a weasel and or multiple weasels? I’d like to hear from you.

More animal related posts:

http://blockoflard.wordpress.com/2011/08/04/foxes/

http://blockoflard.wordpress.com/2011/10/19/fucking-wasps/

http://blockoflard.wordpress.com/2012/09/11/bee-in-pocket-not-pleased-to-see-it/

http://blockoflard.wordpress.com/2013/08/20/disguised-magpie-salute/

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Would you…


fat girl

 

 

 

 

 

This just popped up. I pressed yes, so hopefully she’s on her way round.

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Pulled pork


Shut up about pulled fucking pork

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Hitler / halftime / sausage


Exclusive footage has emerged of Adolf Hitler during the World Cup final.

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103 instead of just 1 on the telly


At some point somebody decided that instead of pressing ‘3’ for itv on the telly, it would be a good idea to press ‘103’. Three times as much effort.

I know this happened years ago but it still annoys me every time I use the thing and if it was you that decided this, you are a fucking cunt.

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Rehash: Sir Clifford Richards


Can you believe its’ 3 years since I posted this hilarious anecdote. I can’t  believe it.

——————————————————————-

I seen Clifford Richards.
We were staying at a posh hotel and I saw him in the car park. Or rather I saw the back of Sir Cliffy because I was distracted by my Mrs gesticulating wildly at the top of the car park – Trying to tell me that Sir Clifford was walking right past me. So I missed Sir Cliffords actual face -but it still counts.
Later on I saw him again and asked for his autograph. He pulled out two pens and wrote with them both at the same time in one hand and said “Two f’t price of one son” How cool is that?
Reminded me of a pen I had at school that was 5 pens superglued together – idea for writing lines in detention.
Only the first and last paragraphs of this story is true.

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Rehash: Deddy Stobbard


Hey, I’ve had a good idea of how to keep this blog going even though I’ve essentially run out of funny stuff and am busy with my burgeoning pop career. And it’s this: Rehash old shite. I’ve got loads of this stuff and lots of it is from before I figured out how to automatically post it to Facebook so you probably haven’t seen it.
There’s always stuff about like the 30th anniversary of Jaws and shit like that so I reckon I’ll have some of that action. So here we go. it’s the 3 year anniversary of this classic post:
I still don’t know if he’s dead or not. Don’t tell me!

_________________________

Deddy Stobart

Is Deddy Stobart ed? Sorry is  Eddy Stobart dead?  I heard he was. The vans are still driving about with his name on. Who’s driving them? his fucking ghost? It sends a shiver down me spine whenever I go past one in case he’s peering out, all see-through and that.
Of course I know a ghost couldn’t really drive all those vans. One or two maybe but not the whole fleet.
Yeah yeah, I know I could find out on Google if he is dead, but that’s bollocks. I don’t want to know everything for certain all the time.  What’s happened to rumors and shit like that? Fuck you saying ‘Google it’ all the time.
Anyway, getting side tracked.  If he is dead it’s time for new van design to reflect this. (See below) I didn’t get a 1st in graphic design for nowte you know.
If he’s not dead, that’s brilliant but I can guarantee he will be dead at some point, so he’s welcome to use these designs then free of charge. Everyone’s happy!
Nobody tell me if he is dead or not. I don’t want to know.
#1 Subtle, respectful – nice
#2. Not so subtle. I dunno.
#3. My favorite. All the information you need and scares the shit out of folk to0.

 

 

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Animal selfies


Attention Newspapers: ‘animal selfies’ are not selfies unless the animal has operated the camera itself. Otherwise it’s just a photo of an animal.

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Block of Lard Video Bonanza


Gok & Dannone

That fucking Wikes advert

Attention Facebook users!

Vampires are wank

Pop ‘fatties’

The difference between a cunt and a twat

Past Man

Shite Dreams

Gok  Danone warning

Big Wow

The Scariest Ghost What there could be

Magic Cheese

Cute Murderer

Claims 4 Cunts

The Day the Lympics torch came to Mansfield

Babbys and forgetting you’ve got one.

That Vague Feeling That You Should Have Done Summit Years Ago But You Dunno What It Was.

Visit Saudi Arabia

Merry Pissmas

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Woman with Leech in Throat


I saw in the paper someone in China went to the doctors with a sore throat. When the doctor had a look there was a big leech living in there.

This got me thinking. Would you shag a woman with a big leech in her throat?

I thought yes.

On a similar note:

http://blockoflard.wordpress.com/2012/08/17/woman-with-spider-in-ear/

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Dodgy nob tip


Hey!
Have you got a dodgy nob? Don’t worry about it, just get yourself a long-sighted bird . Close up it’s blurry and far away it’s too little to see anyway. Bobs your uncle!
Not that I’ve got a dodgy nob or anything. It’s OK but let’s face it, none of them are very nice are they?
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Buy this Immediately!


 

POPhttps://itunes.apple.com/gb/album/come-on-england-dont-break/id879231744

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Come on England! (Don’t break my heart) by POP


New tune out now. Get it bought off of itunes!

https://itunes.apple.com/gb/album/come-on-england-dont-break/id879231744

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Gym reviews- Nottingham / Mansfield area


Hiyas, I’ve been having a few free trails at local gyms and I thought I’d post some opinions that may help if you are thinking about joining a gym in the Nottingham area.

oakOak tree leisure centre Mansfield: Fuck all fanny

CARLCarlton forum Nottingham: Fuck all fanny

Glogoym 4 all Nottingham: Fuck all fanny. If there is any in, they are in the ‘ladies only’ section. Is this some kind of sick joke?

Hope that helps.
Cheers now B.O.L
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